anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
