He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
