I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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