The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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