God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
