I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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