Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
