The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
