so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
