i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
