I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
