the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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