Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
