He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
