Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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