I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
