if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
