Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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