Your dad touched me again.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
