Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
