if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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