and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
