So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
