someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
