whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
