rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
