The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks