the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack