Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.