I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.