those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize