umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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