Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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