had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
