So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
