i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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