Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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