I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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