Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
