at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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