...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
