her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
