Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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