fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
