drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
