I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize