I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
