just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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