somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
