Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
