remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
