the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
