Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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