he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
