Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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