p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
