I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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