i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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