How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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