she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
