I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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