even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sobbing to NWA
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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