his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
