everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
