Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
