Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just googled if crying burns calories
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
