dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
