So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
