I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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