My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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