he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
