I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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