My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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