Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
