I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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