My friends, they love my intelligence
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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