Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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