I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
