Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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