Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
