Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
