so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
