We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
