ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
