On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
