I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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