She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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