New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.