you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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