So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
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Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS