Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.