either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
