I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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