did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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