No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
