It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
