Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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