hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize