If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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